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Date : Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Time : 4:00 AM Title : WAKE UP CALL! (slap) It's 4 in the morning and tears keep pouring, and I wanna make it worth the fight~ 4 In The Morning - Gwen Stephani No, there's no tears rolling down, it's juz that it's 4am right now so I'm reminded of this song, lol! Alright, firstly I'd be stupid enough to not notice it's about me cause it's like written all over? Haha, I get the message. After thinking bout it, I realize that most of what you said is true. Okay... ALL of it is true. I admit I was finding re-assurance, not for attention but being distant from my frenz makes me afraid of losing my friends alot, like i dun belong anymore... Coz we're like separated into 2, all of you there together and me alone on the other, but no more after seeing what was written. At least now, I know the thoughts of others so I'm assured of it once and for all. *smiles* To put it simply, I could have been thrown aside & be forgotten... but I wasn't! Which shows my stupidity in not thinking of how others spared a thought for me, even if it was just a single word or for a single second. Like you said, if it's gonna be like that, why bother making friends in the first place? (plz slap me if i ever say that that hassle stuff again, like seriously!) Maybe it's because I just envy other people's friendships, always not forgotten, are always together, will always find each other for every single thing, will always have people waiting for them no matter how long they took, always going home together, coz I know I can never have such a close friendship like that or shall I say, I never had one. It'd be nice to have one though... That's due to being a clique jumper, always jumping cliques and hanging around with different people. It's good because you get to know alot of people however, bad because in the end from what I learned, you'll just end up alone as you'll never be close to any 1 of the cliques at all. The words were of anger and frustration, the vibe it gave off was, "I've had enough of this shit which I've put up with long enough!", I mean, I wouldn't have put it any better myself if I were you, which I dun blame but totally agree. Main point in short was, "The world doesn't revolve around you." I get it. I think I was being selfish, always thinking bout myself and not others. Always thinking bout myself as in the feelings of what I feel and never thought of the feelings of what others feel. Normally I'll just judge from the way they speak to me. I need to thank you for knocking some sense into me. I'm sorry I made you angry but at least it was the truth and exactly the words that I wanted/had to hear. Okay, READ! It would have been better if I were confronted directly about it though, cause hearing the words, the tone & the emotions in the voice together would really make my eyes open wider and learn a harder lesson. Heck, I think I deserve a slap to remind me! In a good way of course, haha! It's reality & a wake-up call for me to appreciate things more. (speaking of which, no one woke me up for school!!! omg!) Anyways, i'm not tough!!! I'm skinny like a snake on a stick! Okay okay. This is what I call good friends as they do not mind if I go BOOOOOO when I'm with them. (i dunno how to describe that but that word and sound suited whatever I was trying to describe, sorry had to borrow a term, it sounds cute too actually. =X) I've always hidden this booooo to not want others to worry about me... Okay, no more acting! I shall just speak freely about my booooo should I encounter any booooo in the future. Yeah man, I need to thank Kelvin for the inspirational words (that I'm surprised he could inspire you with his nonsense, haha!) that led to this. I'll give you that hug you've always wanted when I see you, okay? Just ONE! You can hug me however long and tight you one, but just ONE hug! Anything more than that and I'm officially gonna declare you a gay with an always 5metre apart restriction rule!! Haha, kidding kidding. But really, really. Thank you! This kinda things, you need to talk some sense into me, coz sometimes I get too carried away with my thoughts. My bet! To tell you the truth, I was happy after reading all that rather than being sad or or more deperessed, the normal human reaction of how they'll react after reading all that and being in the situation that they're in. I think I'm screwed in my head or something, but when it's with me, it's a good thing, means I'm back to my usual self again. Okay, let's make the best out of the day ahead of us now, shall we? Shall we? Shall we????????? REPLY! hahaha. =) P.S. You could have just convo-ed, called, talked, shouted, screamed, yelled or slap me, sometimes I just deserve one to wake me up to see what great friends I have. Luvs! Kelvin, we gonna play together again tonight or what!? MSN me later at night if playing you noob! =D (ohh shit, i'm soo gonna be late for class later.) and so he realizes, as the doubts were cleared. |
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