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Date : Friday, September 18, 2009
Time : 11:20 PM Title : Fullerton Hotel DInner Buffet... NOT!!! (Wake-Up Call) 3 words... I CANNOT GO!
3 words... I HATE MYSELF! 3 words... I LOVE BESTIES! 3 words... I AM SORRY! 3 words... I FEEL BAD! 3 words... I FEEL GUILTY! 3 words... I AM DISAPPOINTING! 3 words... I AM IRRITATING! 3 words... I FEEL ALONE! 3 words... I KNEW IT! 3 words... I LOST HOPE! 3 words... I NEED _ _ _ _ _ _! (hint: Persons' name with a spacing sumwhere...) I'm just FURIOUS after arguing with mum!!! "Since today is the LAST night of the fasting month before Hari Raya, I DISALLOW YOU FROM GOING OUT TODAY! You are having dinner with the family whether you like it or not! Don't be stubborn!!! It's the LAST DAY for the NIGHT PRAYERS at the mosque! YOU BETTER GO!!! I dun give a damn about your friends!". (That's what happens when you dun have true friends that you can share a friendship with... People that you actually care about alot...) Talking is useless with this woman, debating is worst, arguing is EVEN worst, SCREAMING & SHOUTING can wake the whole entire block up... I can't live at home in peace when she's around... The only time that she'll open her mouth to me is when I do something wrong, is angry at someone else, want something from me or because of money! Money! Money! Money! I DUN NEED UR MONEY!!! Never a praise or sympathy from you even when good or bad... Yes, I know I'm a failure in life, no need to emphasize on that! As if you ever give me enuf! I juz keep quiet and make do with what I have by sometimes not even eating! I'm glad I have events, projects and jobs on & off to gimme a stable financial life at the moment... (that reminds me, my pay is just in... better check on it soon...) I'm trying to support myself as much as I can without anyone's help but you're still keeping me on a leash? When you gonna let go of me!? Irritating! I'd be happier if you told me "Do whatever you want!". One day I'll make it big and SHOW YOU! I hope... Wednesday I had plans but pushed forward to Thursday, why? Cause you asked me to go to some shop and shop for bakery stuff. I accepted and pushed forward my plans to Thursday... Thursday you screamingly woke me up at 12pm for no reason saying it's already afternoon... I WANNA SLEEP FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! Then you suddenly tell me we're going for Concourt Hotel Poolside Dinner Buffet with the family! I was like... Okay... canceled my plans and pushed forward yet AGAIN! And TODAY... I'm supposed to go for a movie & off to Fullerton Hotel for my friend's advance birthday celebration!!! And yet, once again you SUCCEEDED in SCREWING UP my plans yet again with your little demands!!! ARGH!!! Do you know how much trouble & misery you caused me today that I had to make like over 10 calls!?! After saying this, no matter what, she's still my mother... Haiz... I'm not angry anymore... I just feel sad that I can't attend my friend's celebration which we've been looking forward to for a MONTH! I feel really bad... (tears...) It leaves a worse, deeper bad impression on me than what I already have... I'm feel such a letdown... It's not as if I dun wanna come, I was dying to come making up excuses and seeing if I could rush here and there and attend some or part of it... But it was impossible... All I wanted was for him to be happy... Those reading this already know the rest of the story so I shall not elaborate any further. You can ask me anything if you want though... I'll answer it. Hate me if you must. I accept the disgrace... I'll make it up to you... Somehow... I hope... If you let me to... "Empty promises". I'm sure this line says alot about me... I went for the last day of Night Prayers. I got a choice to choose between doing the 8 laps one or the 23 laps one which was the full ceremony. I chose the 23 one which as you obviously can tell is the longer one which takes hours. I spent my time seeking forgiveness from god, family & frenz... I think it's time I repent... ALOT... I'm okay now... I was saying my prayers beside this man who had tears running down and was sobbing away as he said his prayers. He had a son beside him. I immediately felt that there are worst people than me and I should be happy with what I got in times of good or bad. Tears filled my eyes as well thinking of "stuff"... I'm fine now after "tear-ing"... I'm a sentimental person okay, though I may not look like it. I felt better, even when nobody's by my side, I know god is still there looking after me. It was really an eye-opener after thinking alot during that time... That's it, it's over once and for all! I'm going back to the way I was. I dun want "it" to bother me anymore! I'll just be myself again! "it" is over anyways, without a doubt on 12.58am, Monday, 13 September 2009. I know it's hard but time will tell & it'll juz fade away into my memories! Tmr is a NEW DAY! Forget the past, live for the future! Nothing else to say... Dun feel like uploading ytd's Concourt Hotel Poolside Dinner Buffet pictures... coz got my mum in it! Grr!!! btw, it sucks. Go to the Spices Cafe, the other Restaurant there, it's much better, classier, chic & more worth the variety of food & money... I've got a headache now... P.S. I know I acted & think too much, mostly of stupid things this week. I know you guys will still be my friends no matter what happens. Love you all and yes, I'm back! I overcame the inevitable reality! NO MORE EMO-ING! Let's all start anew! Qin Zhi!!! I will make it up to you! Yes, I will not only say, but i will DO!!! Ke Ying!!! Sorry, for irritating you with stupid messages always, I wasn't thinking straight or you can say, since when did I ever think straight! LOL!!! Okok, let's pick up the pieces again, can? Answer me! Oh yeah, I forgot! You currently have no voice! Oops! ROFL! Hope you guys have a GREAT time at Fullerton! I'm so JEALOUS I didn't get to go!!! Hmph! How was it? Fill me in? Anyone? Although Ke Ying's english would be much better. Oops! LOL!!! And I soo wanted to catch The Ugly Truth with the 2 of you! Hahaha, let's all go Sentosa one day, my treat? TRANSPORT ONLY!!! LOL! =) The rainbow that I didn't see, finally hit me in the eyes. Ouch!!! |
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